Lessons from Lisa: Getting over R

You guys. So some of you have been on the blog although I’ve not posted in a few days.

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I know stuff like this because I’m Asian and know everything. Also, because my blog stats told me so. So here I am in all my glory, back with another post because I need to rant. But mainly because you need something to laugh at – it might as well be my life.

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If you are reading this right now, this is for you.

A mate from university once told me I should write a book on all the amazing (debatable) things I have done in life, and why you should avoid doing them completely. (Debatable: Because I now have good stories to tell.)

You probably shouldn’t do that, Lisa – Oh, I am way ahead of you! I’ve already done it. My regret face is on fleek.

“But Lisa, your life is great.”

FOOLS. THAT’S WHAT I WANT YOU TO THINK.

For every achievement you see, are countless of mistakes and failures I have kept hidden from the world.

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(I swear my mother knows EVERYTHING. She even knows the future:

Mum to 8-year-old Lisa: You’re going to play piano for 10 years and get a diploma in music.

8-year-old me: No.

Mum: *takes out cane* Yes, you are.

18-year-old Lisa: I have a music diploma now. Can I stop playing the piano?

Mum: You will play the violin for the next 5 years until you start working.)

As much as I would like to go into details about my mistakes and failures, this post is about moving on from R. Because you know, he’s the whole reason I started ranting writing again. Also, because many of you have asked how I am coping so well after all that’s happened.

How to get over R that twat your ex

1. Accept

Top of the list for a very good reason.

That afternoon R broke up with me because he realized he “still had feelings for (his) ex”, did I accept the breakup and walk away with whatever dignity I had left in me? Hell no. I spent the rest of the day with him, secretly hoping he would change his mind at some point and take me back – he didn’t, obviously.

A week after the breakup and with limited contact, did I accept R was trying to make things work with his ex and was never coming back to me? Hell no. I checked my phone every 5 minutes, hoping for a text that never came, imagining scenarios for if he did come back – he didn’t, obviously.

Although it hurt like a bitch the second time he broke my heart (you know, when he thought he had “made a mistake” but subsequently changed his mind… again), it made realize that if R wanted to be with me, he would – no excuses, no frills. He would not have left me. Twice.

So I accepted the breakup. I accepted that he was never coming back. I put my phone away. I deleted all the messages and photos. I threw out the gifts. I accepted that my new life did not involve R. But now I had other things to do.

2. Friends

Rant.

Rant to friends.

Don’t have friends? Start a blog. That way, you’re ranting to everyone who has an Internet connection. Who needs friends when you can have stalkers?

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Remember, you are never alone. I was silly enough to think that before, but not anymore. I now have stalkers.

(I would like to thank everyone who is reading this blog, and who has sent me messages of concern and/ or support. Special thanks to those who talk to me everyday – you know who you are.)

3. That thing you want to do – JUST DO IT.

Thinking about playing a new sport, or learning a new language? Want a career change? Want to approach the person you’re stalking? Just do it. What do you have to lose? (Disclaimer: You’ll likely lose lots of money taking up a new hobby and when if your second career fails, but you will gain a restraining order for the last one). Life is too short to not do the things you want to do.

So over the weekend I baked these bad boys:

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AND I ATE THEM ALL.

I did what I wanted to do, and it tasted (and felt) amazing! (Disclaimer: Eating too much of anything gives you the shits. Feeling good does not last for very long)

4. Make lists

Just like this one! Get all your ideas together on one document. Put them in order or mess them up, whichever you prefer. Organize your thoughts. Sort out your life. Here are some ideas to keep you going:

  1. List of potential stalker victims
  2. List of books you hate
  3. List of flowers starting with Z
  4. List of what’s in your bin
  5. List of what’s in your neighbor’s bin
  6. List of your crush’s sleeping habits
  7. List of mates with a fit mum and/ or dad
  8. List of lists

5. Identify priorities

It could be anything. Your family. Your friends. Your job. Your cat. Your 10 cats. When you have identified what’s significant to you, make it/ them your priorit(ies).

I have identified my priority as cake. My priority in life is to ensure I eat cake at least once a day.

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Who says you can’t have cake and eat it too?

6. Love yourself

So you’re single now and don’t know where to channel all that love you had for your ex?

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Channel that unconditional love to yourself, because really – you deserve that love. Not anybody else. You. (Everybody else deserves conditional love.)

7. Look good

Workout. Wear nice clothes. Use too much perfume, like a Persian. Contour everything. Whatever you think makes you look good. Remember, you’re not doing this for anyone else. This is all for you.

Look at how I fucked up my hair:

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Did it bother me when D asked if I was wearing an ugly hat on my head? Hell no. Because I had spent too much money on it, and because I have a huge ego.

8. Food

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Enough said.

9. Music

A girl at my residential weekend gave a presentation entitled: Music is a healer.

I thought the presentation was complete rubbish.

But it does help if you have few songs to relate to. Here are a few of mine:

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No song to relate to? Write your own bad boy, just like I did. Can’t write music? Write poems instead. Here’s one to start you off:

Roses are red, violets are blue;

I cry myself to sleep, masturbating to photos of you.

10. Learn

Accept. Let go. Move on. Appreciate. Learn. Grow.

Every failure, no matter how small, is a chance to learn and grow. Take it from somebody who has failed more times in her life than you can possibly imagine. Stay positive. Stay strong. Learn to appreciate the little things. See the beauty in everything. Life is not perfect, but it damn well be close if you want it to be.

And of course, always remember:

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