The day (today) I realized my ex – let’s call him R
for Robert, was never coming back to me was the day after I sent him a heartfelt, sincere, well-structured (putting those barrister skills to use!) email and he responded the next morning with a simple: Thanks for the email. Not quite the response I was expecting after I spent hours drafting and editing and rewriting my heart, but there you go. Thanks for the email. End of contact, forever.
At least he said thanks, Lisa.
At least your mum likes you, rational-thinking-person.
But hey – far from
losing my shit overreacting and doing something stupid (like text/ cry/ beg/ all 3), his response made me realize what a complete idiot I was to pine over something that was impossible to attain.
Except making someone fall in love with you. (No hate. Ali is the greatest)
It made me think. You can’t win over feelings with hard work. BUT – you (definitely) can win at life with hard work. So I’ve decided that’s what I will do. I will win at life. With hard work. Without Rob. I mean, without R.
Day one is always the hardest. I spent the morning faking a headache in class just so I could get out of an advocacy exercise (I had to do it anyway). The plan after class was to go home and cry and feel very sorry for myself. #legitplan.
NO LISA, NO. No feeling sorry for yourself. You need to go out and do things. Explore. Expand your horizons. Keep yourself occupied. Do something that makes you happy. What makes me happy?
Food. Food is always the answer.
Food is love. Food is life.
Just two assholes hanging out. What can go wrong?
So, I met up with the class asshole Nirvan (yes, who is a bigger asshole than I am) and we had food together – but not just any food!
Malaysian food… The best comfort food.
Two minutes into mouth bliss, I got greedy and wanted a little more spicy tongue action so I approached the person behind the counter for more chili paste – BUT NO! No more chili paste for you, he said. Unless you pay me 60p, he added. Are you serious? I asked. Why wouldn’t I be? he answered.
So I got my tits out Can I have just a bit more? I asked, getting my tits out. I can’t do that, I’m afraid. We only have a limited amount of chili paste for our rice, he claimed. Please? I say again, batting my (very short and sparse) Asian eyelashes. Oh okay, but just this once! he conceded.
Saved 60p today.
Nirvan and I talk about dicks over lunch, as you do. (To my future employers: “Dicks” is a term we use to call homework and important, mature stuff… like politics, current affairs, and the weather. I absolutely love dicks.) Where are you headed after lunch? I ask. To Temple, he says. Are you taking the tube? I ask. Are you retarded? he retorts.
I find out today that Temple is just a short walk away from Bar school, and that all those previous trips I took on the tube to Temple did not make any sense. Nirvs and I end up in Temple, and he takes me to his Inn. NO PHOTOS, OUTSIDER, they say to me. My Inn is better than yours, I think to myself but don’t say out loud.
Middle Temple hall is cozy. We spy on barristers eating buffet lunch before realizing there was more to life than just watching people eat – no offense to those with eater fetish! So we head over to the newly opened Middle Temple bar/ lounge, where this epic photo took place:
Whoa. When did I get so ripped?
That’s definitely going on Twitter, I thought.
Of course, since I already binged during lunch, I might as well have cake and eat it too.
This. Is. Amazing.
When I was out with Nirvs, I did not think of R even once. Okay, okay. I lie. But R was just a flickering thought that I had at the back of my mind, and when I mentioned him during conversations, it did not hurt as I thought it would. In fact, it was liberating to talk about R without feeling any pain. I don’t deny that it was difficult, but it was not painful. Are my feelings for R dwindling so quickly? Perhaps they are. Or perhaps this is a coping mechanism, and I will lose it completely in a couple of days. Only one way to find out!
The best part about today was realizing (thanks to Nirvs) that I shouldn’t put my life on hold because I had my heart broken by one guy. Sure, the decisive reason to stay in the UK was to be with R, and pupillage was a means to achieve that. But this isn’t about R anymore. This is about me. This is about me choosing to stay in the UK, and sticking by that decision. Although the motivation for staying has changed, the end goal has not. I am still capable of securing pupillage on merit. I want to stay in the UK because of the competition, and I am always up for a challenge. I want to grow as an individual and strengthen my resolve – what better way to do that than starting off with a broken heart? 🙂
Lisa’s moving on list:
- Get out of the flat at least once a day. Walk, explore, learn.
- Run. Run hard, run fast, run long.
- Write. To calm down, to gather your thoughts, to reflect.
- Read. To relax and get transported to another world.
- Focus on Bar school, and pupillage applications – this is my future, right there!
- Meet up with friends. Friends who care, friends who are supportive, friends who are fun.
- Cook, bake, make sandwiches. I belong in the kitchen.
- Fence. Poking, thrusting, grunting, and that really cute boy at the club.
- Sleep more. I lack sleep.
- Brush up on French and German – Hello, Duolingo!