Day 4

I would’ve skipped writing today (BLASPHEMY!), but I’m actually getting messages from fans friends asking me to update my blog. Aww, I’m so glad you enjoy laughing at my life.

Today has got to be the most unproductive day I’ve had since moving to London, and I’ve had days when I just slept in all day – STUDENT LIFE, BITCHES!

funny-memes-student-life

I guess I did a bit of exercise – I walked from the bedroom into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich, making sure I worked out both my legs and arms. I then carried the sandwich on a plate into the living room, honing my balance and coordination. I did this twice today, so that’s two sets in total.

hell-yeah-mission-accomplished.png

Also, K raised me music about my life and I ended up writing a song about R because I’m a little emo shit I couldn’t find one to relate to. You can listen to the beautiful amazing song I wrote here. I’ve posted its lyrics in the description, so that’s your laugh of the day.

Lisa always aims to please.

37146209

Advertisements

Day Three

“Would you like to watch a show with me tonight?”, asks J.

But I’ve already made plans tonight… to lie on the couch, thinks Lisa.

“We could go for food before,” adds J.

Okay, says Lisa.

1330246859568_7643608

And that, guys, is how you ask a girl out.

So that is how I’ve ended up going to a show tonight. Because I’m a woman Because I’m a glutton Because I like free food. I will probably regret this in the morning when I’m struggling to complete Professional Negligence homework, but hey – that’s for future Lisa to worry. Now Lisa is single. Now Lisa will go out and have fun.

Who-says-Im-Single

The hardest part about moving on, I find, is the sudden lack of communication between R and I. I mean, I have all these extra data on my phone now. They need to go somewhere. Pornhub. Pornhub is always the answer. To my future employers: That was a joke. I have never watched porn in my life. Please do not Google “Malaysian lawyer/ reporter eating five guys in London”.

five-guys-burgers-fries_0

It’s a burger chain, okay? Get your mind out of the gutter.

No contact is difficult, but waiting around for R to hurt me again is idiocy at its finest. So today, I took evasive action. I have permanently deleted his number from my phone (again), attempted to forget his email address (WHY IS IT SO SIMPLE!?), and threw out the cards he gave me (close eyes, pick up cards, put in bin, take out bin while eyes shut, walk into wall). I’ve also deleted all photos taken on our adventures, along with any messages, emails or pictures I’ve ever received from R. As of now, it’s as though R never existed – hooray! 🙂

49871994

Thank you. Thank you, you crazy mofo dictator.

As mentioned yesterday, I really could not have moved on this quickly without your support and well-wishes. (A former student sent me a message this morning saying she looked up to me, and that I was an inspiration. ME. An inspiration! Five-bananas-in-mouth-girl, inspiring people to do things!) I started ranting writing again as a means to overcome loneliness, but I realize now that I was never lonely. I have you lot! You wonderful, amazing lot.

51189DEFB1A4488095E40EC10045357F.ashx

Thank you.

This was supposed to be a 30-day documentation (WHAT!? DON’T JUDGE ME) of recovery, but I daresay I am genuinely happy today, and it’s only day three. Perhaps I am stronger than I thought, after all. Perhaps all I needed was a little nudge from you.

Lisa’s (extended) moving on list:

  1. Keep annoying talking to friends. Because I’m never truly alone.
  2. Eat good food. By good, I mean proper tasty food. Life is too short for diets.
  3. I’ve started boxing lessons! It keeps me alert and focused.
  4. Take up dancing, says mum. Did you forget I got kicked out of dance class in Malaysia? I ask. That was when you were younger, she says. That was a year ago, I retort. Okay. Dance lessons then. I will learn to dance.
  5. Make more videos. Not those kind of videos. Although I have had requests (Note to perverts: Dig deeper on Pornhub).
  6. Be grateful. Every single day.

Day Two

When R broke up with me two weeks ago because he realized he “still cared about (his) ex”, two thoughts ran through my head:

  1. YOU FUCKING LIAR, YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE COMPLETELY OVER HER AND IT WAS “ONLY US”. Only you and me, you said. Only you.
  2. I should have seen this coming, but I wanted to fix things. Because I am a woman. And I like to fix things.

Well, three thoughts:

3. Lisa, you fucking idiot.

The third thought would come back to haunt me a week later – I was genuinely moving on at this point – when R texted me, saying he made a mistake and was wondering if we could make things work again. Of course I wanted to fix things! I am a woman. I like to fix things. We meet up on Saturday evening, and to no surprise (!) – he broke my heart. Again. Because he was unsure.

Angry-Meme-11

Of course, on Saturday, I formed the opinion that him breaking my heart – again – was the worst thing to happen to me (Yes. Even worse than when I got hit on the head with that tear gas canister – and I wanted to die when that happened!). I mean, breaking my heart once is brutal. Breaking my heart twice is just… mean. Nobody deserves to be hurt by the same person twice, and I would not wish this on my worse enemy – I mean it. Of course, on Sunday, I formed the opinion that him breaking me heart – again – was still the worst thing to happen to me. AND THAT IS WHY, KIDS, you should never send an email when upset.

I could’ve sent an angry email. It could’ve been one full of expletives and personal attacks. It could’ve been one to rip him apart – God knows he deserves it after what he did to me… but it wasn’t. It was one that spoke the truth. One full of respect and admiration. One that contained love, in the face of pain. Because I chose to take the moral high ground. Because I chose to be the better person.

Thanks for the email.

Angry-Computer-Meme-01

I could’ve cried and spent the day in bed (I couldn’t really, because I had classes to attend), but really, I mean, REALLY, was I going to waste anymore tears on somebody who saw me as a back up plan? Somebody who clearly treated me as second best? Me, Lisa J. Ariffin, whose talents include fitting 5 bananas into her mouth? I am not second best. I never will be second best.

So, instead of waiting around or looking for somebody to treat me with love and respect, I will treat myself with love and respect.

Forever-Alone-Meme-Face-08

That’s a joke, of course. You guys are amazing! Since my first post last evening, my phone has been going off the hook. It has made me realize what an ungrateful little shit friend I was for thinking that I was alone, and did not have anybody to talk to. All your kind wishes and support really makes moving on that much easier! So, thank you. Thank you for showing me kindness and love when I need it most. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone. 

I’ve decided that I deserve only the best.

Screenshot_20160426-153202

 

I have also been smiling more, and people smile back. I smile so much now that a guy on the tube gave me a(n awkward) wave. That was a bit creepy. Note to self: Refrain from smiling too much at strangers on the tube.

I once told R that when we were together, the world seemed different. It seemed like a better place. It was colourful, brighter, louder, more exciting… happier.

I still believe that. Because although R and I are no longer together, the world is still colorful, brighter, louder and more exciting.

I will not allow this breakup to dictate how I live my life. I will continue to explore, to learn, to have fun. I will visit the places and do the things on the list I made for us, and I will appreciate the little things in life. To see joy wherever it may present itself. To remain calm, hopeful and positive through adversity. This is how I’m moving on. This is what I’m taking out of our relationship. This, and those beautiful memories we created. None of the pain, anger and frustration that we didn’t deserve, in the first place.

Because I am the better person.

Day One

The day (today) I realized my ex – let’s call him R for Robert, was never coming back to me was the day after I sent him a heartfelt, sincere, well-structured (putting those barrister skills to use!) email and he responded the next morning with a simple: Thanks for the email. Not quite the response I was expecting after I spent hours drafting and editing and rewriting my heart, but there you go. Thanks for the email. End of contact, forever.

At least he said thanks, Lisa.

At least your mum likes you, rational-thinking-person.

But hey – far from losing my shit overreacting and doing something stupid (like text/ cry/ beg/ all 3), his response made me realize what a complete idiot I was to pine over something that was impossible to attain.

BzbS0AFIQAAuWvF

Except making someone fall in love with you. (No hate. Ali is the greatest)

It made me think. You can’t win over feelings with hard work. BUT – you (definitely) can win at life with hard work. So I’ve decided that’s what I will do. I will win at life. With hard work. Without Rob. I mean, without R.

Day one is always the hardest. I spent the morning faking a headache in class just so I could get out of an advocacy exercise (I had to do it anyway). The plan after class was to go home and cry and feel very sorry for myself. #legitplan.

NO LISA, NO. No feeling sorry for yourself. You need to go out and do things. Explore. Expand your horizons. Keep yourself occupied. Do something that makes you happy. What makes me happy?

Food. Food is always the answer.

Food is love. Food is life.

20160425_122451-3

Just two assholes hanging out. What can go wrong?

So, I met up with the class asshole Nirvan (yes, who is a bigger asshole than I am) and we had food together – but not just any food!

20160425_122424

Malaysian food… The best comfort food.

Two minutes into mouth bliss, I got greedy and wanted a little more spicy tongue action so I approached the person behind the counter for more chili paste – BUT NO! No more chili paste for you, he said. Unless you pay me 60p, he added. Are you serious? I asked. Why wouldn’t I be? he answered. So I got my tits out  Can I have just a bit more? I asked, getting my tits out. I can’t do that, I’m afraid. We only have a limited amount of chili paste for our rice, he claimed. Please? I say again, batting my (very short and sparse) Asian eyelashes. Oh okay, but just this once! he conceded.

achievement-unlocked-template

Saved 60p today.

Nirvan and I talk about dicks over lunch, as you do. (To my future employers: “Dicks” is a term we use to call homework and important, mature stuff… like politics, current affairs, and the weather. I absolutely love dicks.) Where are you headed after lunch? I ask. To Temple, he says. Are you taking the tube? I ask. Are you retarded? he retorts.

I find out today that Temple is just a short walk away from Bar school, and that all those previous trips I took on the tube to Temple did not make any sense. Nirvs and I end up in Temple, and he takes me to his Inn. NO PHOTOS, OUTSIDER, they say to me. My Inn is better than yours, I think to myself but don’t say out loud.

hall-from-above.jpg

Thank you, Internet.

Middle Temple hall is cozy. We spy on barristers eating buffet lunch before realizing there was more to life than just watching people eat – no offense to those with eater fetish! So we head over to the newly opened Middle Temple bar/ lounge, where this epic photo took place:

20160425_131637

Whoa. When did I get so ripped?

That’s definitely going on Twitter, I thought.

Screenshot_20160425-152812

Of course, since I already binged during lunch, I might as well have cake and eat it too.

IMG_20160425_134211

This. Is. Amazing.

When I was out with Nirvs, I did not think of R even once. Okay, okay. I lie. But R was just a flickering thought that I had at the back of my mind, and when I mentioned him during conversations, it did not hurt as I thought it would. In fact, it was liberating to talk about R without feeling any pain. I don’t deny that it was difficult, but it was not painful. Are my feelings for R dwindling so quickly? Perhaps they are. Or perhaps this is a coping mechanism, and I will lose it completely in a couple of days. Only one way to find out!

The best part about today was realizing (thanks to Nirvs) that I shouldn’t put my life on hold because I had my heart broken by one guy. Sure, the decisive reason to stay in the UK was to be with R, and pupillage was a means to achieve that. But this isn’t about R anymore. This is about me. This is about me choosing to stay in the UK, and sticking by that decision. Although the motivation for staying has changed, the end goal has not. I am still capable of securing pupillage on merit. I want to stay in the UK because of the competition, and I am always up for a challenge. I want to grow as an individual and strengthen my resolve – what better way to do that than starting off with a broken heart? 🙂

Lisa’s moving on list:

  1. Get out of the flat at least once a day. Walk, explore, learn.
  2. Run. Run hard, run fast, run long.
  3. Write. To calm down, to gather your thoughts, to reflect.
  4. Read. To relax and get transported to another world.
  5. Focus on Bar school, and pupillage applications – this is my future, right there!
  6. Meet up with friends. Friends who care, friends who are supportive, friends who are fun.
  7. Cook, bake, make sandwiches. I belong in the kitchen.
  8. Fence. Poking, thrusting, grunting, and that really cute boy at the club.
  9. Sleep more. I lack sleep.
  10. Brush up on French and German – Hello, Duolingo!