Marathon “training”

So my law finals are finally over, and I’m back into running again. It feels like almost yesterday, I was hiding in a bush while out on a run with the Cardiff University triathlon club. Now that exams are over and I’m done with law school, I have decided to slowly easy back into running again – BY SIGNING UP TO RUN THE KUCHING INTERNATIONAL MARATHON IN AUGUST. Because what better way to get off my lazy ass and start training again?

I had participated in the Kuching Marathon 2014, which was held exactly a week after the previous marathon I ran (The Island Ocean Marathon 2014, in Langkawi). Needless to say, running two marathons over two weekends was extremely tough, and I had not performed well – you know, lack of training; binge eating; doing what I do best (being lazy). But this time, it’s going to be different. Why? Because I say so. And because everything said on the internet must be true.

To avoid more bush-hiding incidents, I decided that the best way to ease back into running is by signing up to the gym next to my flat. Why? Because I said so. Because running on a treadmill makes you look like you’re running much faster than you really are (Disclaimer: No substantial evidence of this, but you can take my word for it, just like everything else I say. I know what I am talking about. Really). Plus, what are the chances of you taking a wrong turn and getting lost? Also if you get tired or bored, you have the option of posing coolly next to the water fountain,

Look at this kid. You want to be like this kid. #lifegoals

or just going home – but don’t forget to take a gym selfie before you do!

No, I kid. You are a psycho if you take gym selfies.

So this morning I put on my running shoes and Fitbit Charge before heading to EasyGym at Capitol Mall in Cardiff City Centre. It was raining, BUT NO RAIN CAN STOP ME FROM MAKING FULL USE OF MY GYM MEMBERSHIP (#kiasu). Plus, the gym was almost empty and I the choice of any treadmill I wanted. Obviously, I picked the same one I always run on.

The treadmills in EasyGym are much newer and have more functions than the gyms in Malaysia (take note, Celebrity Fitness).

Given that the last time I ran was almost a month ago, I decided to set my pace between 7km/h and 8km/h today. Of course, I’m slightly disheartened as I used to smash run 10km within 50 minutes – but hey! You gotta start somewhere (again)! Instead of paying attention to how far I should run, I focused on how far I can run in 1.5 hours. Answer: Not very far.

That’s not very far, considering I took about 40 minutes more than my usual previous performance. However, I can’t say that I’m disappointed, as I genuinely believed that I would have performed much worse. Of course I will shave off the minutes with more training, which I hope is every day. And it will be.

Considering I have 1.5 months of absolutely nothing to do, and nowhere to go until graduation, it’s the least I can do. I hope.

Plus, it would be great to find out how well (or badly) my 8th full marathon goes, with only 73 days of training.

Today, I hid in a bush while out running in a group

If ever there was a zombie apocalypse, or if for any reason running was the only option to preserve humanity – I, Lisa J. Ariffin, self-proclaimed running reporter – hereby offer myself as first tribute because:

1. I am a nice person.

2. I cannot run to save my life. (This is secondary. I’m doing it because I’m a nice person. Really)

There you have it. I cannot run to save my life. In fact, I cannot run 1km now without stopping to catch my breath.

Hey Lisa! Remember when you used to run full marathons for fun?

I do not.

As per my 2015 resolutions, I had vowed to attend every single triathlon club meet this semester – and attend I did. Yesterday, I was the first to show up at the cycling tracks and first to go home (after 5 minutes) because I did not have a helmet with me and was not allowed to participate. Today, I was the first to show up for interval training and first to go home (after 5 minutes) because I could not keep up with the running group.

Yes. I was left trailing the rest of the 30-or-so group. I was left trailing so far behind that I decided to hide in a bush until they turned a corner, then I walked home. My “run” was less than 1km.

So how did I manage to go from this:

To this:

1. I don’t know, really.

2. Might be the weather, really.

This is not an excuse. Seriously, it might be.

As you likely know, I now reside in lovely Cardiff, where the people are (somewhat) friendly, food is (somewhat) tasty, drinking water is free (tap), parks are beautiful, milk is cheap, potatoes are abundant, and weather is shit.

Presently, the temperature outside is 6°C, “which is warmer now than when you were back in Malaysia for the holidays”, said Dom. I don’t care. It’s freezing and it hurts my chest and lungs when I run.

To be fair, the first time I tried running outdoors was yesterday evening. Weather was warmer then, and at 7°C, I was out running in shorts. And by running, what I really mean is struggling. I could not run 400m without stopping to catch my breath. If ever there was a point in life when I sunk to the lowest – that was it. That gut wrenching few seconds when I stopped, bent over, put my hands on my knees, and almost fainted from exhaustion.

I walked 11.1km anyway, but what is going on here? Whatever happened to running 6 hours without stopping? Whatever happened to running 1km without stopping? What happened to running 500m without dying? (Figuratively of course, you Grammar nazis)

I now fear the next triathlon meet on Thursday and would likely cry in bed instead while the others are out on their long-distance training.

Seriously though, is it the weather that’s making breathing difficult? Or has my body given up on me completely?

I guess I shall find out on Thursday. For live updates, follow me on Twitter @lisajariffin as I tweet from the back of the running pack, or behind a bush.

Run more than 1,500km in 2015? Challenge accepted.

Last year, a very enthusiastic running reporter – reporter by profession, runner by self-declaration – made a list of 4 resolutions to be fulfilled in the now-decidedly eventful year of 2014. Among this was the impossible resolution of running 56K a week, which she… I mean, I, obviously did not commit to. Nonetheless, I had managed to complete the targeted 2XU full marathon in March, along with 5 other 42K runs throughout the year (including two full marathons within a week!). Surely, this trumps running 8K a day until March? First resolution – fulfilled. Sort of.

My second resolution was to run 1,000km in 2014, WHICH I TOTALLY SMASHED.

That’s me… running 1,020km in 2014. You can’t see it on the chart, so you’ll have to take my word for it. Because you know, whatever that is on the Internet must be true. That’s why it’s on the Internet. Because it’s true.

I then figured out how to balance full-time work and full-time studies. The solution was so simple, really! I don’t know why I did not think of it sooner. Basically, all I had to do was quit my job.

Lastly, I vowed to pass second year law and achieve good enough grades to get into Cardiff law school.

 Hallo! I did it. I am in the UK now.

And there you have it! All four 2014 resolutions fulfilled in their own special way. No more unrealistic resolutions for this lazy law student running reporter! Which of course, brings me to the much-dreaded much-anticipted resolutions of 2015:

1. Run more than 1,500km this year.

It’s really not so bad when you think about it, really. 1,500km in 365 days would average 4.1km a day. Therefore, if I run a full marathon (42K), I can not run for the next 9 days. Therefore, if I run one full marathon a month, I can have 9 rest days a month. However, I would have to train adequately so I won’t get injured along the way. Therefore, I would have to run almost every day to clock in enough miles. Therefore, I would probably be lazy and stay in bed and watch TV and binge on cake. #seemslegit #logicalLisa

2. Get into Bar school in London.

This is likely the hardest thing to do this year, because a) The entry requirements are particularly challenging; and b) I am forced to resit an English test which I almost failed the first time around.

3. Actually attend triathlon training/ rifle club meetings.

One of the main reasons I chose Cardiff University was for their competitive Triathlon Club. I had decided to join the Club long before I decided to join the University. Needless to say, I signed up to the Club at the first opportunity presented (at the University’s Sports Fair). Excitedly, I bought a road bike, I bought triathlon gear, and I bragged to everybody about finally becoming a triathlete. I have not been to a single training since.

I’m doing pretty alright in rifle club, though! I have been to a whopping three meetings in the first semester and have shot 40 bullets in total. That’s more shorts fired in the month of October, 2014 than in my previous 24 years in existence. Of course, the rifle club meets at the range twice a week and my attendance has been shameful, to say the least.

Hence, my third New Year’s resolution is to attend as many club meets as possible, and try not to come up with excuses to slack from training.

4. I know I’ve said losing weight will never be on a resolutions list, but my current situation is dire.

This was what I looked like in February, 2014:

This was what I looked like in March, 2014:

This was what I looked like in June, 2014:

This was what I looked like on December 28, 2014/ now:

Holy. Shit. Moly.

This is bad bad bad. But this is not going to be one of those usual I’m going to lose weight resolutions that I will stick to for a month, then binge as soon as I get the opportunity to. Nope. I’m going to binge whenever I want.

This resolution is useless, and already not going well.

5. Lastly, sort out my time and finances accordingly.

This is crucial for most things in my life; from studying, to training, to dating, and to living, in general. I need to set aside time to train as much as I need time to study (this is still my priority). Moreover, I need to stop spending unnecessarily (goodbye, unnecessary sweets and snacks and all things delicious; goodbye, 10 different pairs of shoes; goodbye, wearing a different outfit each day), as moving to London will be expensive. What I need to do now, is go out and get myself a 2015 organizer because the planner on my smartphone is too complicated for me I am so hipster, like that. That is all.

FIVE (somewhat) realistic New Year’s resolutions this year, including the evergreen I will lose weight this year vow. And I will. You just watch.

Despite the unfortunate events that have befallen my beloved Tanah Tumpahnya Darahku this year, I daresay this has been one of my best years yet! I left my job with a string of impactful new stories under my belt; I have been crowned was named top student in class (again); I’ve completed 6 full marathons and numerous shorter races; I’ve had my heart broken many times before I found the one to mend it completely. #luckyLisa

So here’s to a more eventful and fruitful 2015! May all our wishes come true this year. With a little effort and self-belief, I am pretty sure they will 🙂

Race Report: Borneo International Marathon 2014

Marathons are memorable, to say the least. Then you have really memorable marathons that you wish you could forget, like how the recent Borneo International Marathon (BIM) 2014 was for me. Before you jump all over me, let me clarify that there was nothing wrong with the race per se, but I had such a horrible time in Borneo that I wish to forget last weekend completely.

But after this race report.

My trip to Sabah had been ill-planned from the start. I had signed up for the marathon early this year, but left ticketing to the very last minute as I was hoping a particular somebody would join me on another adventure – we ended up fighting and severing all communication instead. Brilliant.

Fortunately, my usual partner in crime Reuben had decided to run the full marathon, so I paid RM530 (stupid, expensive, stupid) for a return flight and met him at the very boring Kota Kinabalu Airport on Friday before transporting ourselves to collect our race packs at Suria Sabah mall.

What annoyed me most – this is entire my fault, but doesn’t mean I cannot be annoyed – was that the official running top was a shirt, not a vest. Being the genius I am, I had decided to run in official running gear for the first time ever and left my usual racing vest back home. In Kuala Lumpur. In West Malaysia. 1755km away. And hell no was I going to run in a shirt. And die of heatstroke. Or chafe to death. Whichever comes first. So Reuben and I searched the mall for a suitable running vest, but hell no was I going to pay RM100++ for something I already have. Back home. In KL. Therefore, it was on this day (Friday, May 2, 2014), I decided to run without a top on.

Because nobody was going to stop me, I decided to have only cake for food on Friday evening.

I ate so much cake, I felt like throwing up. Then I ate more cake.

And took a picture of my smug face while I was at it.

Okay, cakes and happy happy joyness aside. On the first night itself, I was 1. Almost raped, 2. Mistaken for a prostitute; and 3. Outran a mugger. In that order. I’m particularly proud of the 3rd incident, so I will completely ignore/ forget the first two incidents and tell you all about the silly mugger who stupidly picked on a runner. Unfortunately, there is nothing much to tell. It was dark. He creeped up from behind before running after me, shouting: “Where is your bag?” (I told you he was silly!). So I outran him back to the hotel. The end.

Of course, being sexually assaulted and almost getting mugged (on the first day!) had put a right damper on my trip. I was very upset when I woke the next day and refused to do anything else other than eat. Which was fine, really, because eating makes me happy. Plus, I had 20% vouchers for this lovely restaurant called Little Italy which was just around the corner from my hotel. SO I BINGED ON

Which wasn’t very clever, because I completely forgot that I was going to run without a top the next day.

Nonetheless, I did not really care and slept like a baby when I got back to the hotel. Then I woke up, got myself a caramel drizzle from Starbucks, and went back to sleep. Only to miss our transportation to the stadium at 1am (I could swear the website said 2am). BUT NO WORRIES! A taxi took us to Stadium Likas in no time, and we had an hour to kill before the race started. So what do runners do at 2am before a race? Why, this, of course:

Stupid, greasy face. You could fry an egg on my forehead

As mentioned previously, the race was not the source of my displeasure with the Land Below the Wind. In fact, I ran a full marathon PB at 5 hours and 51 minutes! Yes, I know that’s not great timing, but I had never run a sub-6 before, so I’m very thrilled! Plus, unlike previous runs where I had to walk after 21K or so, I could run up to 32K before dying  walking the rest of the way. A for improvement! 😀

Moreover, I opine this was one of the tougher marathon courses I’ve run, no thanks to the immensely humid weather and steep hills. But I completed it 🙂 And I got a pretty awesome medal to add to my box o’ medals.

My next race will be the Brooks Run Happy obstacle race next weekend, and I’m not looking forward to that. I have not been strength training at all, and am wary I would injure myself before my next full marathon at the end of this month.

Fingers crossed! I will magically be super fit by end of next week. Because miracles do happen once in awhile.

If you pray hard enough.

*snort* *snigger* *snort*

Race Report: UKM Autism Run 2014

If there ever was a race I was thoroughly unprepared for, the UKM Autism Run this morning takes the cake. For starters, I completely forgot I had signed up for a run until a couple of days before the event. Moreover, unlike other races where excited me would drive miles just to collect my bib and race pack, I had left the deed to my dear college friend Ereena, who was running the race with me.

Despite pledging on Facebook to run every day for the whole month of April (somebody created a worldwide event, I was compelled to click +join), today was my first run of the month. To be fair, I had been away on a roadtrip on the 1st and 2nd, and on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th I was just being super lazy. Not running for that many days meant I did not burn any extra calories I had consumed, which meant I was fat. Fat meant I was slow. Slow meant I could not have a great race. Knowing I could not have a great race made me dread today’s event.

However, executing your responsibilities and not ditching your friend is part and parcel of not being an asshole, so I forcefully dragged myself out of bed this morning and met up with Ereena in Brickfields before we headed to Tasik Titiwangsa together.

Oh yeah, so like… I totally cut my hair. I really don’t remember the last time I had short hair, and was totally fretting over how I was going to run with so much hair in my face (it’s too short to be tied back). Surprisingly, it didn’t bother me at all while I was running, and I find myself actually liking this short hair thingy. So much so, I may make it a permanent feature or something. Do YOU think I look good with short hair?

At 6.45am, the organisers conducted a warm up/ aerobics session, which was ONLY LIKE… THE BEST THING EVER. Today’s aerobics session completely destroyed the extremely fun zumba workout conducted before the failed MWM marathon last month. They played some corny 1Malaysia tunes and danced so sillily, I felt too embarrassed to stop dancing. So we laughed and danced along with the silly instructor and by the time the session was over, I was out of breath – from all the laughing. Absolutely. Freaking. Amazing.

We ran 10K around Tasik Titiwangsa and its neighbourhood. I had not run with my GPS today, therefore it was impossible to keep track of running distance. I was, however, wearing a digital watch, which told me I had crossed the finish line 57 minutes after I started. Considering this is my first race after my knee injury, I think I did pretty okay, albeit 7 minutes over my 10K personal best. I’m not complaining though. I merely making a point to do better next time – so that Arsenal will win whichever match they’re playing then.

Another one! I’m on fi-yah!

Okay, so like… my short hair is cool and all, but this is what it looks like when it’s matted and fugly when I sweat. So I’m a bit torn about keeping it short.

I was absolutely craving soft shell crab sushi after the run and convinced Ereena to join me at a local Japanese restaurant for lunch. Needless to say, I ordered a bit too much and was a right fat bastard by the time we finished.

I ordered this sakura prawn sushi by mistake, and was totally freaked out by the tiny eyes staring at me when it arrived at the table. You see it, don’t you? Super freaky weird little shits.

I have the intention to put in a run every day this week because I really am a fat bastard now (I currently weigh 53 kilos, 4 kilos more than what I was a month ago). However, this upcoming week is going to be hell because my class will be receiving four law assignments tomorrow, to be due in a couple of weeks. Furthermore, Kuala Lumpur is having some sort of water rationing thing going on, and I won’t have water every two days. Showering after a run would definitely be a problem! This is not good at all.

What worries me the most is that I have two marathons lined up in May – the Borneo International Marathon 2014, and Starlight Ultra 2014 in Penang, where I will be running a 84km relay. By the looks of it, I’m extremely screwed. Also, I hereby announce that I will give up marathon running – at least until I come back from the UK – after the latter marathon in May. There. Give up. I will give up.

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.